Monday, November 8, 2010

Frustration and to be honest, a little fear...

I am getting really frustrated being stuck in bed the past 3 days.  It's bad enough when I am just stuck on the couch.  I don't get it because when I first started the IV rocephin, I was the best I had ever been.  I had a GREAT 2 months.  I had even started exercising again.  Then I crashed, hard.  Scary hard.  This was around the 12th of September when my lyme cycle hit.  When I started pulsing, I started to feel better again right away.  I even had a few good days in a row.  And my muscle weakness that had returned had disappeared again.  YAY!  I have done 3 pulses over the past 3 weeks.  I herxed on the 3rd day of the first pulse, then had those 3 good days.  Then on the second pulse, I herxed again on the 3rd day.  The day before the herx I had a good night & went to my nephews birthday party & felt pretty good (nights are always easier on me).  I also made it to my step son's baseball game (night).  But that's it.  Since then, I started my lyme cycle & just finished my third pulse.  I herxed again on the 3rd day HARD.  This was my biggest herx (other than the early treatment herxes) and I laid in bed miserable all day.  My husband was gone, I can't remember where he went.  But I laid in bed all day & went downstairs only when I was desperate enough for something to drink & eat.  I waited as long as I could hoping my husband would come home soon & either bring me something to drink or feed me.  Luckily there were leftovers downstairs that only took a minute to heat up in the kitchen.

Well, now I'm telling a story.  Oh well.  Anyway, I just want to be able to get out of the house and on days where I just have fatigue (I can get up & clean & cook dinner in spurts) I want that to go away.  The only time I have energy to do anything is at night when my family is ready for bed!

I am just wondering if I am ever going to get better.  If I stop the drugs, I'll just deteriorate again & get worse.  But my insurance is most likely going to cut me off soon.  I also need to get co-infections tested, but I have to pay for that out of pocket & we can't afford it.  I just know that if I don't treat the co-infections, the lyme can't go away.  The only testing I have had was through the standard labs & you cannot count on them.

I want to try something natural as well, but there are so many things out there and no studies to back what they claim to do.  I want to go see Dr. H up in the Bay Area, but he charges $650 per hour!  LLMD appointments are usually at least an hour.  I feel like the amount of money they charge is unreal.  Especially for people disabled by lyme.  Knowing that most of our care is paid out of pocket.  In the meantime, I will try to save some money to go see a chiropractor in Yorba Linda that does ART (muscle testing) to see which naturals & antibiotics my body needs.  She had lyme herself & treats a lot of Dr. H's patients down here.  I need to save up $275 cash in order to see her.  Oh bother.....  Lyme disease is a rich persons illness.  You only get better if you have money.
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