Here I am, sitting up late by myself. My family has gone to bed. I'm putting off doing my IV. Last one for the week. YAY. I am just down in the dumps & crying. I was just thinking I wish I had someone to talk to. It's odd though, I never, EVER talk to anyone when I feel this way. I never cry when anyone is looking, unless sometimes my husband catches me. A lot of time he doesn't notice. I'll put my glasses on so he can't see. I'll say I have a stuffy nose. I was thinking, what friend could I call? It's late and I NEVER call anyone. I never do. I did have one friend come to mind. Someone I've never actually met in person. But she knows what I am going through because she is going through the same thing. It's just late and she has a family..... and her own sleeping problems. Otherwise I would call.
When is this going to end? It's been 18 months of not living. NOT LIVING. I get peeks at life. Previews..... for a day or two. Sometimes a week. But then BAM! Here I am again. And I am too sick to get up & bathe & brush my teeth. My hair is gross and I stink. Ya, I said it. It's true. I've been in the same clothes for 3 days. And for 3 days before that I was in the same clothes. With stains on my shirt. Because while I was making meatballs with marinara, my bird was hanging out on my shoulder. He thought it would be cool to grab the wooden spoon out of the pot & slap the sauce on my boob. Ya, it stayed there.
A felt good a few days ago & decided I would start exercising again. My neighbor drove by & said, "Wow, good to actually see you with clothes on!" Meaning not in PJ's.
I miss my connections. I just moved here & how will I ever make friends if I don't have a flippin' life outside of my house!?!
Good news is my parents are coming by tomorrow. I hope I feel better, otherwise having people around can literally hurt (noise, etc). And on Sunday my old neighbor is coming over for a visit. YAY!
Ok, I'll try to stop feeling sorry for myself. I hate it when I do this. I hate it when I cry. I feel like such a loser. I want to go wake up my husband and ask him for a big hug. My Big Boy (Rover) came over and showed me love. He heard me sniffle.