Sunday, December 13, 2009

Finding God . . . . .

Up until recently, I rarely prayed.  I mean, every once in a while I would.  Like if I knew someone really needed it or I heard something sad happen on the news.  I would say a quick, "Dear God, please help that family get through this."  I don't know why I did it.  Not sure if I even believed.  But I have always believed in a "higher power".   Especially when I would look up into the stars at night.  I also know that prayer has been scientifically proven to send out energy to the Universe.  Or to wherever energy goes.

So you know how people find Jesus, etc when they are in prison, or AA or hook up with a  new girl or boyfriend that goes to church?  Or when they get sick?  Well I am one of them.  I got sick, I found God.  But in my own way.  I used to get very uncomfortable when someone would bring up God or start talking about praying or anything like that.  To be completely honest, I would roll my eyes.  Those evangalists on TV all dolled up in their painted on make up & HUGE diamonds all made me sick to my stomach.  I do not appreciate organized religion and trust me, I have tried.  I don't like how there are set ways of doing things or how one religion is right while the other is wrong.  I don't like moral judgements.  I don't think that I should live my life based on the bible.  I have yet to have ever read the entire bible.  My philosophy is that the bible is part truth, part story.  Back in the day, they couldn't explain scientificially how things and people came to be, so they made up a story to explain it to people.  Now that makes sense.  And there are important lessons to be learned in the bible.  So I think it is very important.  And probably everyone should read the bible.  Maybe I will work on that one day.  Just who's version??????

With Lyme Disease sleep isn't usually uninterupted.  I'm not sure why.  I will have to do some research on that.  I think it  messes up your adrenal glands. So I usually woke up about every hour.  I hated the nights until I started taking 1/2 a benedryl an hour or 2 before bed.  As it would get dark & bedtime approached, I would dread it.  It was my loneliest, darkest time.  I would lay awake so often in fear.  Fear of what was happening to my body.  I never knew what was going to happen next. Or how I was going to feel.  Sometimes I felt better at night than I did all day, sometimes I was worse.  Anyway, one night, I was in the most pain I have ever been in & I woke up in the night.  I was in so much pain & just felt so sick.  My head felt like it was going to explode.  I got down on my kness by my bed & I prayed.  I prayed really hard for God or the Universe or whomever is in control here to please help me.  To take this pain away so that I could sleep.  I prayed to wake up and feel better than I did at that moment.  Any amount of improvement would be ok.  And that's exactly what happened.  I quickly drifted off & woke up feeling nothing like I did.  Much more tolerable.  Hmmmm... I thought.  Maybe this prayer thing works.

So I started praying more often.  2 nights ago when I had trouble sleeping and I was scared because some of my neurological symptoms had come back I just prayed over and over and over.  Just kept repeating the same thing over & over until I fell back to sleep.  I prayed for my friend Barbara's son Chris who was in an accident on Monday and is still in a coma. :(  I pray before I get a shot of Bicillin because somestimes it takes me an hour to let my husband poke the needle in.  I pray for courage & strength.  Not sure if it helps, but I try just about everything to be able to finally tell him, "Go!"

This is a pic from a few years ago of Barbara, Angela, Me, & Lily.  If you are reading this, please pray for Barbara's son.  He is her world! 

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