Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Years Eve

I have to say that 2009 has been the worst year of my life.  But then again, I was lucky to get married to my wonderful husband this year.  So is it fair to say that this has been the worst year of my life?  I wish I could do my wedding all over again.  Being that I was sick and having cognitive & emotional issues due to the lyme, I was not "all there".  I wish I could give it a go again with a clear head.  I wish I wasn't so stressed out and could actually enjoy it.  I wish I would've been able to enjoy my out of town guests more.  I felt like I was going crazy and I am sure they thought I was too.  Ah, I can't take it back.  I hope they all understand that that was not really me they were dealing with.  They were dealing with Lyme. 

Aside from the lyme disease, I went through this period from February through April where I had extreme anxiety & panic attacks.  Not sure if it was due to the lyme disease, since that is a symptom, or due to the stress of planning a wedding.  It was very hard, and scary to say the least.  But my soon to be husband stepped up to the plate and got me the help I needed to get through it.  I went to biofeedback, to a cognitive therapist & tried other therapy.  I learned how to deal with it and I got over it.  I thought THAT was the worst thing to ever happen to me.  Until lyme disease. 

We'll never know how I got lyme.  I truly don't think I was infected by a tick.  I still think it was either a flea or a mosquito.  But I'm going with the flea.  I saw one at the foot of my bed when I was changing my sheets (I have 3 indoor dogs).  I remember seeing a bite on my foot while walking with my neighbor Pauline early in the summer.  In my heart, I think that's the one that did it.  However, none of my dogs appear sick in any way.  And dogs get lyme disease also.  I worry about next flea season.  I need to find a natural remedy that actually works.  Two of my dogs are sensitive to topical treatment & I am skeptical about putting pesticides on them.  But I worry about the rest of my family.

Goodbye to the year 2009 ...  ... . thank God it's over.
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